


Tequila goes down like a bitch

by Itsomnambulist



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Desperation, Embarrassment, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Omorashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:49:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26398177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsomnambulist/pseuds/Itsomnambulist
Summary: This is an alternative story not related to the previous one about the stakeout, but about the same things, Lucifer and his new functional bladder.It is almost summer vacation and Ella has invited the whole team to a dinner outdoors in the garden of her grandmother's abandoned house, a very cozy place she has inherited and where everyone has agreed to spend an nice evening. Chloe, Lucifer, Dan, Charlotte, Amenadiel, Linda, Maze, and some other co-workers too.Lucifer is still getting used to his vulnerability when he's with Chloe, and at first, he didn't wanted to go, but after seeing Chloe really wanted him to go with her, he ends up accepting, without too much effort actually. Chloe could asked him to go to hell for her and he wouldn't even hesitate (he actually did it twice already tbh).Suddenly, things don't go as planned.
Relationships: Amenadiel & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Dan Espinoza & Lucifer Morningstar, Dan Espinoza/Lucifer Morningstar, Linda Martin & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Mazikeen & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Tequila goes down like a bitch

**Author's Note:**

> A few days ago I had a party at one of my friend's old family house, and I thought I could do something with that.
> 
> And after I saw that CastielMorningstar posted a new fic (even though it was Chloe omo instead of Luci's) it gave me motivation to write something.

"I don't know if I like the idea too much, but miss Lopez seems so excited" Lucifer said doubtfully

"Lucifer, the house is old and uninhabited, I know, but she said there is running water and the bathroom works perfectly. So as soon as you feel like you have to pee, just get up and go use it, just like the rest of us will do. She is very excited about you coming." Chloe said to make him feel better.

"Fine, you won, but you owe me a favor Detective." he said still not quite sure.

Chloe smiles and goes home after finishing work to have a shower, get ready and wait for Trixie's babysitter.

Lucifer does the same and after emptying his entire closet choosing the best outfit to impress Chloe, he opts for a discreet short pants suit, something he rarely used, but perfect for the hot summer night it was, he really didn't wanted to melt.

After a relaxing shower and getting dressed, Lucifer was ready to go pick up Chloe at her home. He wondered if he should try using the bathroom before leaving, just in case, but finally didn't, since as he had previously verified, without the Detective around, he doesn't need it.

Lucifer knocks on the door, even though he made a copy of her key a long time ago, with a bottle of his best wine in one hand and a white beautiful rose in the other.

Chloe had put on a very nice summer sundress, which just opening the door left Lucifer speechless (just like in episode 2x12 when Chloe lets her hair down and Lucifer was stunned).

"Do you like it? Isn't it too short?" Chloe said, still knowing that Lucifer loved everything she wore.

"You are beautiful" he said with a tender and sincere smile.

"Is it for me?" She said when she saw the white rose that he was holding in his right hand.

Lucifer woke up from his living dream "oh yes, it's for you Detective"

"Lucifer, it's beautiful, you didn't have to." She said very cheerfully.

"C'mon, I'm your partner tonight, it's the least I could do." He said, smiling.

"I'll put it in water and we can go now, come in, don't stay there." She said entering to the kitchen.

Lucifer heeded her suggestion and stepped inside, leaning on the counter while she did her thing.

"By the way, you're also very handsome, I've never seen you in shorts, but they fit well on you." She said as she filled a vase-shaped container to place the pretty white rose that her partner had brought for her from one of the best florists in Los Angeles.

Lucifer was about to make a sarcastic comment about how everything looks good on him, related to his underwear, but he bit his tongue and decided to answer as appropriate as possible. "It's fair, I want you to make a good impression. And it's been a long time since there has been an occasion to wear this outfit properly."

Chloe smiled, and after putting the devil's rose in the water, they went to Lucifer's car, which was parked in the driveway in front of the house.

When they got there they realized that what Ella said was true, the house was really abandoned, but the garden gave a little life to the place, and the delicious smell of Latin food that Ella with the help of Charlotte had prepared gave color to the whole place.

Lucifer quickly got out to open the door for Chloe and together they went to where the others were hanging out, where Ella received them with one of her characteristic Lopez-style hugs, to which Lucifer had already become used to, and even, from time to time, he actually like them.

"You came! Come, the others are here setting the table, Linda and Amenadiel are still missing, they have had to wait for the babysitter with whom they are going to leave Charlie, who's a bit late. You can have a seat, and if you need it, inside the house to the left there's a bathroom, it's a bit old but it's clean and it works, which is the important thing." She said enthusiastically stealing a tender smile from Lucifer, who was filing where the bathroom were in his head in case he needed to use it later.

"We wouldn't miss it. Ella, you should know it, we are a team, and from time to time these kinds of reunions, without deaths and police sirens involved, are very necessary." She says smiling, making Ella feel very good.

"Besides, Miss Lopez, do you think I'd miss one of your delicious meals? I'm a weak devil." He says smiling in a very tender way, making Ella's heart and smile shrink.

Chloe and Luci arrive at the table; which was covered with a tall tent in case it rained, although it did not seem possible with so much heat; and they greet everyone before sitting down, just after Linda and Amenadiel arrive, who apologize for the delay.

"One day I swear I'm going to kidnap you just so you can cook this food for me forever." Dan says with his mouth full of food, while the others nod, Ella was an amazing cooker, since her grandmother had taught her a lot of recipes from her latin culture.

"What did you say this was called?" Linda says while still concentrating on her plate.

"Enchiladas, although these are a family recipe, so they are a little different from the normal ones." Ella says proud of her legacy.

"This is almost better than sex, and trust me, I can tell." Lucifer says, inappropriate as always.

"And what is this sauce?" Lucifer says referring to a tomato sauce that he had on his plate, pouring a little more on the plate, without realizing that the one he was pouring was not the same one he was taking, but an ultra-spicy reapper sauce.

"No Lucifer! That's not it!" Ella says when she saw that he had taken a whole spoonful, although too late, since he had already put the spoon in his mouth.

"What's wrong? Did you want some? Excuse my manners." Lucifer says before the spice reaches his throat.

"No, you have had the wrong one, that is super hot sauce, just a few drops are already really hot, and you have taken a whole spoonful." Ella says with a slight tone of concern in her voice.

That is when Lucifer begins to notice the spice crossing his throat, making him start sweating and causing him to cough. He takes his glass of water completely full and drinks it at once.

"Bring him milk, the water makes it worse" says Charlotte, while Amenadiel brings a bottle of milk from the kitchen, which Lucifer almost finished in one gulp.

Lucifer still red but already calmer "I've been in hell, and no doubt, this is worse"

"Are you okay?" Chloe says somewhat worried, but calmer than a moment ago.

"Yes, I'm fine Detective, but I think my appetite is gone." He says sarcastically despite everything, making everyone laugh at his comment.

They finish eating and after picking up the dishes they start drinking. Lucifer takes out the bottle of wine he had brought, and Ella brings some bottles of whiskey and a bottle of tequila along with a couple of shot glasses.

Everyone starts to notice the effect of alcohol a little, except Lucifer, who actually needs like three times as much alcohol as the others to get drunk. At this point, after the water and milk he had drunk a while ago, his bladder had begun to be noticed, although it was still not much, and even though he knew that alcohol was a diuretic, he wanted to have just as much fun as his friends, so against all odds, he decides to have a bunch of shots by himself.

What was not expected was that it would take effect so quickly and that it would go directly to his bladder. By now all or most of them had already gone to the bathroom inside the house at least once, while Lucifer had been too embarrassed about it to do that. He was the bloody devil anyway, he could take it.

Ten minutes later he decided he couldn't take it, swallowed his pride and got up from his chair.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to the bathroom very quickly" He says blushing a little.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Chloe says quietly knowing this wasn't easy for him.

Lucifer in other circumstances might have accepted the offer, but in front of all his friends he didn't want to appear like a little boy, so he refused. "No, I'll be fine Detective, I'll be right back in less than a minute."

Lucifer went out in the direction of the house, which being so dark, gave him the advantage to squeeze his cock to relieve a bit of pressure on the way to the bathroom.

Just in front of the house's door there was a small hole in the grass that Lucifer didn't saw and with which he almost fell to the ground, which almost made him lose control.

Luckily he didn't, he grabbed his crotch again, this time inside his pants as he entered the house.

He remembered where Ella had said the bathroom was and immediately turned left, turned on the light even though the house was old and he didn't like touching the walls.

The bathroom, to his surprise, was quite big, with a toilet at the back, a small window just to the left, a shower, a sink to the right, a mirror, and a washing machine. Everything was clean, although Lucifer was the least concerned right now, he closed the door (which unfortunately had a broken latch) made a bee line to the toilet, a little bent over himself in despair, and he pulled his penis out of his shorts as fast as he could, checking first if anyone could see him through that window.

Once everything seemed calm, he closed his eyes and tried to relax enough to let go, which was a bit difficult for him, as he could still hear the noise of his friends celebrating the night in the courtyard while he was with the penis in hand about to do something he had barely done a couple of times in the last month.

He finally managed to relax and a small drip started, followed by a strong stream. The sound of his urine hitting the water made Lucifer blush a little, but relief was too pleasant to worry about.

He'd barely emptied half of his bladder when suddenly the door opened and Linda walked in crossing her legs, already a bit drunk.

This made Lucifer shiver, jumping in fright, causing him to splash the seat (which he forgot to lift) and his stream to cut off suddenly.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry Lucifer, I was about to explode, but don't worry, I wait outside for you to finish." Linda says a little bent forward like Lucifer a few minutes ago.

Lucifer knew that now he would be unable to continue with Linda there, so he proceeded to contract his muscles and pull up his fly. "Don't worry, I'm done." He said looking at the golden glitter on the toilet seat, quickly wiping it with a piece of paper. "I'm sorry about that..."

Linda from the door "Don't worry, it's okay, it can't be easy to aim being that tall. I didn't knew the devil peed."

"Honestly, me neither." He said coming out of the bathroom leaving Linda with her business.

Although he still had a lot of urine inside, but half of relief had given him a little more calm and control. He still had the urge to pee and a slight discomfort at the tip of his penis, but nothing that he couldn't bear for a while longer, until he could go to the bathroom again without it being too suspicious.

Lucifer returns to the table and sits next to Chloe again, noticing a bit of pressure as he sits down and noticing the tight belt.

"Better?" Chloe whispers in his ear.

"Better" Lucifer answers, which wasn't a lie, since he was actually a little better, although he wished to feel way better than that.

Half an hour of beer pong and a few tequila shots later, everyone was having a great time, including Amenadiel, who was actually sober.

Lucifer was having a good time too, but standing up to play beer pong on Detective's team had added pressure to his growing need, and the beer tripled his urge to urinate, which was fatal, as his discomfort caused him to fail a couple of times, having already drunk three or four times from the beer cups.

It was still suspicious to go back to the bathroom, since he had only been back from there forty minutes ago, and he didn't want his friends to believe that he had a prostate problem or something like that (although it would be logical, since he was a few eons old).

Ten minutes later they sat down at the table again to play "never have I ever", and Lucifer knew that he wouldn't see the end of that game without first going to empty his bloody bladder.

He moved in his seat a couple of times and Chloe noticed, "Lucifer, are you okay? You seem a little uncomfortable, and you don't look good, do you want us to go home?" Says Chloe a bit worried

"No, I don't want to go home, I gotta pee like a bloody racehorse." Lucifer said crossing his legs and loosening his belt a couple of holes.

"Again? You went less than an hour ago" Chloe says surprised.

"No, not again, earlier in the bathroom, Linda came in, I got nervous and couldn't finish." He said aware of what he had just said and blushing so much that if he had not been so desperate, he would have shown his devil face without any doubt.

"Lucifer, we've been here a long time, even I've had to go twice now and I'm about to go a third time, you're gonna get an infection or something worse. Do you want me to go with you so? I wouldn't mind to go now" Chloe says trying to help the poor devil.

The idea of Chloe pissing next to him made him itch a bit, not actually because of the urge to pee.

"No, I'm an adult, what the hell? I'm an archangel, I can just go take a damn piss, I'm not five, you know what? Fuck it." Lucifer said getting up from his chair to go finish his business once and for all like a grown man with a bladder about to burst.

What he didn't knew was that today the stars had aligned themselves to make the lightbringer unlucky.

Just before opening the door after checking that there was no one inside Lucifer heard the detective Douche behind him, who seemed almost as desperate as Lucifer, although maybe not as much.

"Oh excuse me, hey, do you mind if I go in first? I'm just freaking out, it'll only take a minute, I promise." Dan said with his hand suspiciously tucked into the pocket of his shorts.

Lucifer wanted to punch him, because he was sure he was far more desperate than him.

"You know? It doesn't matter, I'm rude, you were here before, I'll wait." Dan said keeping his composure.

Lucifer was about to agree to that great offer, but his stupid manners made him bite the bullet.

"Never mind, come in, you seem more desperate than me." Lucifer says instantly regretting it, since it was obviously not true.

Dan took him with him to the bathroom, like girls usually do, which made Lucifer bit his tongue instead of pulling a joke to the douche.

Lucifer closed the slim door and when he turned around Dan was already unzipping his zipper.

Lucifer leaned against the washing machine as the loud sound of Dan's urine hitting the toilet bowl made him shiver. Although at least his back was turned and that allowed him to give himself a couple of squeezes to relieve the pressure.

"You know? We're guys, why don't we share the toilet? I don't care." Dan said as he sighed in relief.

"Bloody hell, I'm not going to look at your dick Daniel" Lucifer said annoyed.

"Easy man, you can also go in the shower if you want" Dan said about to finish.

"I'm a refined devil, I'm not going to do something so disgusting, I'll just wait." He said wishing it wasn't for too long.

Dan got the message and zipped up as soon as he finished. "All yours dude, I'll wait for you."

Detective Douche, as long as you don't come out of the bathroom and let me piss in peace, I swear I'll torture you in ways hell hasn't seen yet. That's what Lucifer would loved to said to Dan, but he decided not to.

"Daniel, I don't need moral support to piss." He said again in a sarcastic tone.

"I don't care, besides you let me go first, I'll wait and we'll go back to the party together."

Lucifer unbuttoned his pants and this time lifted the lid before relieving himself.

He had, once again, his penis in his hand, about to see the end of this hell, when, after closing his eyes and trying to concentrate, he found that not a drop came out, even though a few minutes ago he was about to wet his pants.  
The fact that he could hear Dan whistling against the doorframe behind him and that he knew he was desperate enough to piss for over a minute caused him to involuntarily close his bladder doors to his well endowed member.

After a couple of minutes he saw that he wouldn't be capable with so much pressure.

"Man, what are you waiting for? If you're shy I can wait outside"

"I'm not- anyway, I'm done." He said reluctantly, washing his hands anyway.

"Damn dude, does being elegant affects even your pee? How quiet, amazing." Dan says and they get out of there.

Lucifer keeps wishing they can go home soon so he could piss satisfactorily in his black themed bathroom like never before.

"What were you doing in there? I almost peed in the sink." Charlotte says quickly entering the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

Just after reaching the chair Chloe noticed that something was wrong, Lucifer rested his hand on his thigh very close to his crotch, and bounced his right leg up and down.

Just at that moment Ella saved the life of the devil. Or so he believed.

"Hey, how about finishing the party at the Lux now that we're all a bit drunk?" Ella said as everyone joined in.

Lucifer shuddered just to think that once there he might sneak out to the Lux's bathroom or to the one in the penthouse, where there's no line.

Everyone got up to get into the cars, when luckily for Lucifer, (who was already next to Chloe next to the car) Amenadiel, who was not drunk, suggested taking a taxi, since everyone else was.

Lucifer didn't have time to wait for a taxi. Suddenly a wave of desperation ran through his body causing a drop to moisten his brand boxers a bit. He knew it, the embarrassment of seeing him urinating was better than wetting his shorts in front of Chloe and their friends.

Lucifer knew he wasn't going to make it to the bathroom at home, since Ella and Maze had just entered together, so he didn't hesitate for a second and turned his back to Chloe (luckily it was all quite dark), he was already unzipping his zipper when:

"Detective get behind me and cover me please."

"Lucifer, what are you doing?!" She said blushing.

"Detective for goodness sake, cover me I can't stand it."

"Lucifer, have you seen what you measure and what I measure? With this body I could only cover half of yours." She said nervously trying that no one was looking at them.

"Nevermind."

In that exact moment he pulled his penis out of his shorts, the yellow stream gushed out over the grass, making a characteristic loud sound.

The shame was incredible, but the relief was even more so, so much that he couldn't help but let out an almost orgasmic moan as he did so.

Ella and Maze returned with everyone from the other side of the house, right in front of an eyed closed Lucifer still pissing hard on the grass.

"Oh my God! Lucifer, I'm sorry." Ella said before they both laughed and walked out the other side.

"What have I told you?" Maze says to Ella

"Yeah, okay, he's packing, but it was like seeing my brother naked, gross" she said with a disgusted face before they started laughing again.

Lucifer was so focused on his relief that he didn't even listen to the girls.

"I knew you couldn't be perfect!" Dan said as if it were a small victory to see that Lucifer could not always be elegant and polite.

Lucifer noticed the flow diminishing, shake himself, and slipped back into his shorts.

"Lucifer, why have you waited until it was this bad?" Chloe said surprised.

"It's a long story, I'll tell you on the way." He said now much more relaxed.

Ella touch Lucifer's shoulder: "I get you dude, tequila goes down like a bitch."

At that moment Lucifer realizes that he has been seen relieving himself in the back garden of Ella's grandmother's house, like a dog... his cheeks begin to heat up when the taxi appears.

One of the longest but most comfortable trips of Lucifer's life, in which Chloe takes Lucifer's hand understandingly after knowing that it had been a hard day and that he still had a hard time dealing with this new human function.

Although after all this situation, the party ended wonderfully, everyone singing in the Lux's private karaoke, together, like a real family.

The end.


End file.
